ever get stuck in a rut?
i. am. there.
the construction doesn’t help. i feel upside down and definitely disorganized. everywhere i go i feel like i can’t do anything right, i’m in everyone’s way, i am disheveled.
all the traffic lights are red. do you know what i mean?
i know we are beyond blessed and we are healthy and together and that’s all that matters – and that in and of itself makes me feel worse. i should be dancing and smiling and chipper and cheery. i just can’t right now. how terrible of me.
besides the fact that our flooring came in wrong and we are at a stand still in chaos for a 2 week
disaster delay, a volunteer leadership position i specifically expressed interest in was given to someone else – i didn’t even hear a response – i found out when everyone else found out, “here are your leaders for 2014-2015…” i was’t even considered, blah i feel wrong for feeling jealous. what else? i can’t host my scrapbook night. last year i invited 9 close friends and no-one could make it. i gave up for a while. then i decided this year to invite 50+ friends with a 6 week notice. 5 were coming this weekend – i was thrilled! i had to cancel on everyone yesterday due to the flooring not being here and no furniture… you know.
everyone in the family is irritated at each other due to the renovations – so i feel like a crappy mom/wife. i don’t feel like i am doing a very good job at all. everything is turning me into an emotional wreck. i feel like a basket case (whatever that is). i don’t feel understood or appreciated.
everywhere i go i am told “no”, “wrong”, “you missed out…”
this isn’t who i am or who i am meant to be. how can i even exist in such a sad state?
i saw a woman in target yesterday smiling and cheery, talking to her toddler, being patient and kind, and i thought, “i used to be like that, what happened to me? why am i like this? how is she so happy? i want to be like that again. what a blessing she is.”
i need to get over myself, i know it. but it seems impossible right now. have you ever felt this way? how did you break the bad vibes? how did you turn it around? do i fight it off and fake happy until i get there? do i let it run it’s course and just wait?